Hidden Pains
by NonaScriples
Summary: Dean is the master of buried pain. Why! Would Sam be able to help him when it gets too much? No spoilers. Set any time in the early seasons.
1. Chapter 1

Sam glanced at his brother for the hundredth time and found him the same as he was for the past 700 miles. White knuckles clutching the steering wheel , clenched hard jaw line, eyes dead and totally focused on the road. He sighed he couldn't for the life of him figure out what was wrong with Dean now. They had just came back from a simple hunt (simple for their standards anyway) and he checked Dean personally for any hidden injuries because the way he was acting right now is exactly how he deals with pain but he was fine nothing bleeding or broken . Plus Dean was acting like that for about 2 weeks now so Sam was sure it is not physical pain his brother was suffering from. He sighed again and wished for a second that it was, because getting his brother to talk about what was really bothering him is going to be way more difficult than dealing with broken bones.

"Hey Dean could we stop in the next town. We are both beat man"

"I am fine" Came the automatic response

"Well I am tired and hungry at least let's stop for a bite to eat"

"Ok fine, stop being a bitch about it"

"Jerk" Sam replied without thinking

They saw the exit for the next town a couple of miles later and Sam watched with relive as Dean took it and started slowing down.

God he was tired the constant pain was getting worse every second. Dean was doing everything he can to seem normal. He could feel his brothers eyes on him and knew that Sam was getting suspicious. He would have to come up with something to convince his brother that he was ok because under any circumstances Sam cannot know the truth about what was really going on.

"Hey there is a motel 3 miles down that road, take the next left"

Dean compiled without questioning his brother and that bothered Sam even more

"Yeah there"

It was a nice enough place and Dean parked the car next to the diners entrance. They got a booth and almost immediately a blonde waitress provided them with a couple of menus and a bright smile

"Hello gentlemen Welcome to Maisy's how may I help you today?"

"Coffee black and keep them coming" Dean replied

Sam looked at Dean with worried eyes they will have to talk about it really soon. Dean not eating is a very very bad sign.

"Just give us a minute please" Sam said to the waitress trying to dismiss her to have a moment with his brother. When he didn't feel her move he looked at her and found her staring at Dean with a weird look in her eyes and what was even more concerning is that Dean suddenly found that the diner's table was very interesting. He was staring at it and clutching it with white knuckles again. " If you just leave the pot that will be fine" Sam tried again with a bit of force in his tone. That finally got the waitress attention and she left the coffee pot and turned quickly away from the brothers.

"What was THAT ?!"

Dean didn't answer and he kept his head down. He was trying very hard to calm his breathing. A wave of excoriating pain was trying to swallow him whole and he needed to calm down right now.

"Hey Dean, Are you ok man you just turned really white?"

"I am fine" Dean tried

"No you are not fine something is going on and I wanna know what"

"I have no idea what you are talking about" This is good the conversation was giving him something else to focus on

"yes you do something been up with for like 2 weeks now ever since that windego hunt"

"Oh not this again I told you nothing happened"

"Yeah and I told you I didn't believe you and I still don't "

"Well it's not my problem that you are paranoid"

"I am not paranoid Dean something is going on with you. We have been in like 100 hunts in the past couple of weeks you are running from something you barley eat and you didn't even notice that the waitress was giving you a really wired look"

Suddenly Dean snapped his head away from Sam and it took Sam a minute to figure out that his brother was now staring at the waitress they were talking about. Before he could figure out what the hell was going on his brother suddenly Screamed "NOOO" his eyes rolled in his head and he was out cold.

"What the hell? DEAN , DEAN" Sam crouched next to his brother trying to wake him up. When he didn't respond Sam raised his head looking for whatever might have caused this. That was when he saw a group of people gathered around the same waitress from before and he saw with shock that she was out cold too. Someone was trying to call 911. _Ok he needs to get out of here like NOW_.

"Hey FBI, " Sam said flashing his fake badge "I am going to the hospital please just get her to the car and I will take them both" He addressed the 3 men who were gathered around the fainted waitress. They complied and started to move while he got a hold of his brother grabbed the keys and started moving toward the Impala. In like five minutes he was able to get a room and get his brother on one bed and the waitress on another and then took another five minutes to run all kinds of tests on the weird waitress who just happened to faint the same moment his brother did. To his relive or (maybe disappointment) she was clean no reaction to holy water , iron or silver. He sat on his brother's bed trying to figure out what happened was she some kind of physic that harmed his brother some how

That's when she waked up suddenly gasping for air.

"Hey, Hey Take it easy just breath" Sam tried.

"Fuck, That hurts"

"What hurts?!"

"Him, His head hurts"

"What ?! Are some kind of psychic? you can see inside his head?"

"I didn't mean to go this deep I really didn't "

Sam drew the gun from his pocket "Ok you have got 5 seconds to tell me what the hell you did to my brother or I am going to start shooting"

"Whoa, Whoa calm down Sammy I am not the bad guy here"

"It's Sam and how the hell do you know that any way"

"It's what he calls you. Sorry.."

"Ok start talking"

She took a deep breath and started "My name is Hailey Anderson I am telekinetic and I am working a case in this town when you both walked into the diner that I was taking a cover as a waitress in, I heard you talking and I knew you were hunters too I just had to be sure so I wanted to take a peek but that head. It's just so shut so that got me angry and I pushed harder nothing would have happened if he …"

"You pushed harder.. Is that why he won't wake up ?!" Sam said angrily and took a step forward

"Oh he has been awake for a few minutes now he is just working on his walls again like I would ever try getting in that damn head of his"

"Would you shut up ? haven't you caused enough trouble already ?" Dean mumbled, His eyes weren't even open yet.

"Dean ?! Are you ok ?"

"I am fine Sam"

"You were out for like 15 minutes. What happened ?"

"Nothing I just needed a minute "

"Since when do you need a minute to hide something from me or build your damn walls, you do it so enough it's like breathing for you now I can barely realize it anymore"

"I wasn't hiding anything , I just needed a minute Sam. The bitch was inside my head"

"Right, like that could put you down for this long, she is just a physic. What are you trying to hide from me now Dean?"

"You have been working together for so long haven't you" Hailey was looking at them both with a fascinated look in her eyes.

"Yeah I know all his shit and it's not the first time he tries to keep something to himself, His inability to share anything real is unparalleled by anyone in the universe but that's ok most of the time I know about it any way he is the only one that feels the need to go through the motions"

"Oh so you knew about the curse?" Hailey asked

"What curse?"

"Damn it haven't you cause enough trouble already?!" Dean was starting to really hate this check.

"I am sorry I thought he knew about it plus it's been like 2 weeks"

"He didn't need to know about anything it will be over in like 3 days, I already took care of it"

"But he can help"

"He doesn't have to"

"He is right here and he wants to know what the fuck is going on" Sam came between the two of them and directed his talk to Dean

Dean took a step back trying to calm down it was all out now, and his brother had this stubborn look on his face that says he will not rest until he gets what he wants. What the hell was he going to do now ?!


	2. Chapter 2

Dean looked at his brother. There was nothing he could do now. He had to tell Sam the truth. He didn't want to burden his brother, God knows he has enough on his plate with the demon blood and the visions and the whole mess that were their lives. He really didn't want Sam to know how messed up he really was. How was Sam supposed to trust him to protect him if he knew how messed up he really was? .He should have been able to handle this on his own. He was doing fine too wasn't he?!. But now his brother was staring at him looking hurt and Dean could never stand that look on Sam's face.

Dean took a deep breath and started "Remember the twin windigos we took care of about 2 weeks back"

Sam Frowned trying to bring back the details of the case " yeah, we thought it was weird that they hunted so close to town and that there was 2 of them working together. Windigos don't usually do either of these things"

"yeah well turns out there was a witch involved and she was using them to settle her scores"

"How do you know that?"

"After the hunt I was down and you went to cover our tracks she paid me a visit and told me"

"You were attacked by a witch when you were already concussed and had 4 bleeding tears in your back "

"yeah well I was fine. I took care of her "

"But not before she casted a spell on you ? " Sam said starting to get the picture

"Yeah she got in when I was down and she was pissed because we killed her puppets and while she was babbling I was able to get my gun but my aim was kind of screwed and I only got her in the chest so she started laying the curse before I was able to take her out "

"and it didn't occur to you that the curse was fatal or that she could have some other witch keeping an alter going or.."

Dean interrupted him "It is not fatal Sam and it is not permanent , its just a time curse Sam it will where off"

"you don't know that "

"Yes I do"

"No you don't whatever it is it is obviously putting you in a lot of pain and it could drain you and kill you before it is over "

"It won't Sam I can handle this"

"How could you be so sure? "

"Because I had it before ok! "

"What?!"

Damn it he didn't want to say that out loud. It was in the past and it needed to stay that way. But his brother was always able to make him do things he doesn't want to do. Lately even though he was doing it for Sam it always ended being the wrong thing Sam was already stressed and on edge because of the visions and the stuff he has been through there is no need to add to that pile of shit.

So Dean tried his best back tracking move. He put on his big brother voice and said "Sam just trust me on this I am fine this curse is nothing I can't handle it is not going to kill me and will wear off soon"

Sam's head was buzzing and he was on the edge of a panic attack seeing Dean collapse so suddenly and now finding out that he was cursed for the past 2 weeks and he didn't even know about it. There was so many questions he wanted to ask. So many things he wanted to say to his brother but first things first. He took a deep breath to calm himself

"What exactly is this curse anyway?"

"It's nothing .. The bitch was just desperate"

"It's an emotional pain curse"

Both their heads turned to Hailey. They have forgotten she was even there

"What does that mean exactly?" Sam asked Hailey maybe he could get something from her because apparently his brother was still in his stubborn mode.

"It doesn't mean anything" Dean tried to regain some control on the quickly spiraling situation

They both ignored him "Basically it intensifies his feelings wither they are good or bad if he needs the people he love to be around this need gets 10 times worse if he is hurt emotionally by someone or some event that happens in the past that also get multiplied until it reaches the point of physical pain. It differs from one to another I have never seen anything this bad before though . it could either be too much for the person to endure or it could suffocate those around the person and.."

"Stop it. It is not that bad" Dean rounded on Hailey trying to shut her up

"Not That BAD! Are you insane?! I was in there Dean I saw inside you and one glimpse made my heart almost stop ! you were living with it for weeks"

"I was handling it just fine"

"I seriously doubt that, You are a mess and why even bother he is right here. He could help"

"Because he doesn't trust me."

Dean's head whipped to Sam so fast it almost pooped his spine. Sam looked at him with hurt in his eyes " He thinks I won't be able to handle it, he is not just afraid that I will leave he thinks I will."

Dean watched his brother and saw the deep sorrow fill his eyes and it killed him whenever Sam looked at him like that it just kills him

Dean tried "that's not what this is about"

"Then what is it about why didn't you tell me about it. I could have helped you could have saved you a lot of pain"

"You didn't have to"

"How would you feel if the situation was reversed. Ha! Dean would you be happy if I kept something like that from you"

That stopped Dean short. He had nothing to say to that. Sam took this opportunity and pressed on "Right.. you would rip me a new one if I even attempted to pull something like that on you"

"It is not the same. I .."

"Oh here we go again same old crap I am your big brother it's my job to protect you. What about you Dean whose job it is to protect you ?

"Sam .."

But Sam ignored him and turned to Hailey again

"What do I have to do ? how can I stop this ?"

"He was right about the time thing it will were off in like 3 days"

"but I could make it easier right the pain it doesn't have to be that bad"

"SAM .. " Dean tried to gain the attention of his brother again this has to stop

"you don't get a vote in this Dean whatever it is I am going to do it"

"No Sam you won't I told you I am fine and damn it I will not put your life in danger for this" Then he turned to Hailey "and you stop it right now don't you have a hunt to continue leave us alone why do you care any way. This is my problem and I will take care of it now both of you just SHUT UP AND DROP THIS ".

"Sorry Dean .. This is for your own good" Haily said and raised her hand and Sam had to jump to catch his brother before he hit the floor

He turned to Hailey "What the hell did you do to him?!"

"Don't worry Sam he is just resting .. Now we can focus on how to help him."


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was completely baffled. Who was this girl? Why was she interested in them anyway? He didn't know a lot of telekinesis people but still this is a bit odd. Some random girl was interested enough to look inside his brother's head and now she seemed like she wanted to help him even when he clearly didn't care for it. He started with the most obvious one.

"Who are you?!"

"I am just someone who could help"

"Why?!"

"let's just say I had my share of stubborn people who refuse the help when it right there and it is starting to piss me of"

"You have a big brother too"

"I _had_ a sister" her voice turned very bleak .

"Sorry I didn't mean to intrude."

She didn't answer right away. Her eyes were far away and filling rapidly. She regained her composure quickly though .. took a deep breath and said "Doesn't matter .. let's just focus on your brother"

"Right .. so what exactly is going on and how can I help"

"This curse it turns emotional pain into physical pain it brings up all the buried crap and makes the person keep his focus on it 24/7"

Damn that was bad his brother was the master of buried crap.

"See what actually hurts about these emotional wounds is the shame. You keep hiding it and shoving it down bury it under other crap because you think you don't have the right to feel like that it is not that important so it just festers inside gets mangled but if it was acknowledged if it was given patience and acceptance it won't be this bad. So you need to give him that because apparently he can't give it to himself "

"No Dean was never good in looking after himself .. so how can I do that"

She looked at him like she was trying to see what he is made of for a moment and I asked "How do you feel about your brother?"

"He is my brother I would do anything for him"

"yeah I can see that .. I am not talking about loyalty I am talking about love , do you love him? Do you like who he is as a person"

He looked at her and started to answer immediately .. but then stopped for a second . Sure if you asked him if he would die or kill for his brother he would not even blink he would do it in a second hell did it before. Dean did everything for him he sacrificed everything and there was not a doubt in his mind that if he asked his brother for whatever he would move heaven and hell to get him what he wants. It has always been like that. This part of Dean he knew very well the part that took care of him and protected him his whole life the part that through all the crap was still capable of caring and loving. What about beyond that what about the boy who lost his home lost his mother when he was way too young. The child who at four was taking care of his whole family trying everything to keep them as happy and safe as possible under impossible circumstances. The man who spent his entire life trying to do the right thing sacrificing his safety, his sanity to save people from all kinds of nightmares. The guy who eats too much, parties too much and drinks way way too much. The man whose life with filled with sorrow and was still here still fighting still trying to do the right thing for a world that is going crazier and crazier every second. A man after all that he went through he still thinks that he is unworthy that he doesn't deserve the love and acceptance of his own brother . Yeah, he knows his brother and that man was worthy of not only his loyalty but his love as well he deserves everything.

Hailey watched the emotions playing on his face heard the echo of it in his thoughts watched the look of admiration reaching his eyes "Looks like all you needed was a reminder of who your brother was .. Now you have to fight to tell him what I can clearly see in you"

"That's not gonna be easy listening to me isn't exactly one of his strong suits "

"But he does listen"

"Yes, Yes he does" cause what could possibly say love and understanding more than listing to the other when it goes against your own believes.

"You have to understand that if you choose to go down that path with him it is going to get much much worse before it gets better .. you are going to have to go through everything bring it all up acknowledge that he has a right to be hurt over the stuff that he went through and that does not make him weak or unworthy and you have to do that while dealing with the physical implications of it all"

"Meaning ?"

"it changes from one person to another it could be anything from a mild fever to a deep gash on his side it depends on how his mind works and how far this goes"

"Great .. so I have to make him talk about what is hurting him make him accept that he has the right to feel the way he feels and that I am here for him no matter what all while watching out for deep gashes on his side or worse .. Piece of cake "


	4. Chapter 4

Sam clicked his phone shut. _Well, that went well,_ his call with Bobby was both reassuring and frustrating. Bobby confirmed that Hailey Anderson was a legit psychic and that he can trust her. Then went on and on about not paying enough attention to his brother. _Yeah, like he hasn't tried_ But that's Bobby for you he wouldn't be himself if he wasn't grumpy about something. He also was always closer to Dean. Sam never felt bad about it though Dean deserves to be everybody's favorite.

Hailey has left about 15 minutes ago with a long list of instructions on what he has to do next. She told him that when his brother gets up he needs to start talking to him. He needs to make his brother confront his pain and try to accept that he has a right to feel that way, that it's ok and that it will not change how Sam sees him. She also gave him some herbs that can calm Dean down and a spell that could connect Sam to his brother. If it was done correctly the spell would enable Sam to actually share the load of whatever Dean is carrying. That way it wouldn't be so overwhelming for Dean and it could break the curse. She said to not use them unless it is an absolute must but Sam was not someone to disregard a helpful tool whatever it was. He tried to ask her about the hunt that she was already in town for, tried to offer his assistance but she just said

"I can handle this one. The world can be safe for a day without the Winchesters. You just look after your brother" At which he smiled and thanked her. Then they said their goodbyes.

He was just finishing up preparing the soothing herbs when Dean started to wake up. From the looks of it something was still hurting him.

"Hey Dean, take it easy man" Sam said as he came to Dean's bed with the cup of herbs held out

"Here try this; Hailey said that it could help"

"I don't want anything from her. What the hell happened anyway?"

"Come on don't be like that. She was just trying to help"

"By knocking me out?!"

"She just gave you some rest man, I haven't seen sleep that deep once since this whole thing started"

"I am fine"

Sam took a deep breath trying to stop his rapidly growing annoyance. It won't do them any good if he just knocked Dean out again.

"Just please drink this" Sam pleaded trying to give Dean his best puppy dog eyes. Yeah he was going to use everything he had. Dean grimaced and looked at his brother damn it, the eyes were out, he had no chance what so ever.

"Fine, let me have that" he said as he was trying to sit up so he would be able to drink the damn thing. He was half way there when he felt this blinding pain in his chest and gasped before he could stop himself. Sam was there in second

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I am fine"

"Dean …" he didn't say anything else his voice said it

"I think I probably cracked a rib or something"

"When did that happen?" He helped his brother lean on the headboard.

Dean was quiet for a long moment and Sam thought that he was going to brush it off again but then he said in a small voice "Yesterday "

Sam took another deep breath and in a barely controlled voice he said "You drove like 8 hours today. Are you telling me you had a broken rib the whole time?"

"Probably just cracked"

"So not the point"

"What is your point?"

Sam through his hands in the air "Just why...why Dean? Why don't you ever talk to me? Why is it that hard for you to trust me? What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"You didn't do anything and I do talk to you Sam. Maybe not as much as you would like, cause you are a giant girl, but I talk to you. You are the only person that I talk to for days at a time"

"That's not what I am talking about and you know it"

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I am talking about the carp that bothers you. About whatever hurts you or burdens you. Dean you were cursed and in pain for 2 whole weeks and didn't even think to let me help you didn't even tell me, man"

"It will wear off Sam"

"No it won't because we are going to deal with this shit right now"

"What?!" A very very dreadful feeling was starting to build inside Dean now.

"You heard me, we are going to deal with whatever the hell is eating at you and making you break a fucking rib" yep red alarm lights flaring all over.

"Sam we don't have to do this"

"Yes, we do "

Now Dean was completely freaking out, like full on panic attack mood. Sam had that stubborn _I am not gonna leave this until it's done_ face. And that was never ever a good face cause Sam could be like a dog with a bone when he wanted.

That doesn't mean that he's not gonna try " Sam I am fine, this curse will wear off soon and if we tried to dig that shit up you don't know how it's gonna affect either one of us"

"I talked to Bobby and he confirmed what Hailey already told me. Yes it is a time curse but it could put you through much more pain than what you are experiencing now. If we try to talk about it, the curse could be over in like 2 hours or we could use the spell"

"What spell?!"

"Hailey gave me a spell that will basically enable me to connect with you spiritually so that I would be able to ease the burden from you"

Oh crap this was like his worst nightmare, These spells always meant trouble and Sam could get hurt from it "Oh .. Hell no"

"Dean .."

"NO .. NO and Noooo do you hear me Sam. You are not trying anything like that "

"Why not?"

"These spells are DANGROUS Sam. You could get stuck in memory and never get out, your brain could freeze in a moment of panic that is not even yours to begin with, you could .. "

"I am willing to take that chance"

"Well I AM NOT, THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN"

Sam was screaming now, he had had enough of this "WHY WONT YOU LET ME HELP YOU?!"

"BECAUSE YOU WOULD NEVER TRUST ME AGAIN"

They stared at each other for a long time, breathing hard, glaring at each other. Sweat was breaking on Dean's forehead, He tried to breath, tried to calm down his beating heart. His walls were breaking down and he was really hoping that that would be enough. That at least now Sam would consider backing down from this. He can't let his brother do this stupid spell. How would Sam trust him? How could anybody trust him? How could anybody trust a man who was that weak? How could anybody trust a broken man with nothing to hold him together but his tough shell? Who would he be without that shell? Who would he be without all the bravado, the unbreakable strong hunter show that he puts on for everyone around him? Especially his little brother, Sam has to believe in Dean's strength. He has to believe that it will always be there so that he can draw from it whenever he needs to.

Sam just kept staring at his brother. He looked at his hunched up form trying to wrap around himself and he was maybe starting to get the picture. This wasn't a trust issue, it never was. This was about his brother always burning, always painful, always present insecurities. All his life Dean never had someone to make him believe that he is worthy. He never had the kind of love only a parent can give a child. The kind of love that says I will love you no matter what you do or how you act or how your life will turn out to be. I will always be there for you. Sam had that, he always had that in his brother but Dean never did. Every member of his family had abandoned him at some point including Sam himself. The familiar guilt started to creep up on him but he had to keep his focus on his brother.

"I would never stop trusting you" Sam said softly

Dean looked at him with sadness in his eyes "You don't know that"

"Yes I do, there is nothing you have in you that could make me change my mind"

"I wouldn't bet on that, you don't know how messed up I am"

"Then tell me" Sam was not going to let this go ever.

"Sam .. I know that you want to help and you are. Trust me you are helping just by being you"

"See that is what I am talking about I would never have to pretend anything in front of you, there are no barriers, no walls for me to hide behind. You know everything there is to know about me and that is one of the corner stones of my life, one of the very very few constants that I have. I just want you to have that too"

Ok maybe he needs to approach this from another angle "What if you weren't able to do that anymore?"

"How could that possibly happen?"

"It could happen if you saw me differently "

"Even you can't change what took a life time to be built"

Yep, dog with a bone "ok, how about this. I will make you a deal. I will give you two hours where you can ask me anything you want anything at all and I will answer truthfully, if you promised never to use the spell that she gave you AND drop the whole thing no matter what the outcome of these 2 hours would be"

Sam was considering it. Two hour with his brother giving him straight answers can do wonders between them, on the other hand what if it hurts his brother more than help him what if it wasn't enough. He started to negotiate

"Four hours "

Dean smiled his brother was never one to refuse an offer "Nope, too long just two hours nonnegotiable" his brother could find out anything he wanted to. Four hours in his hands would be lethal

"What if you got hurt? And we have to go on "

"You would have to drop it no matter what"

Damn, Dean was always hard to bargain with. He just wouldn't budge. Two hours of honestly with Dean was very alluring though and he could prepare himself to hit on the topics that he knows could have the most impact. Maybe this was the easiest way to help Dean and let him see that he could totally open up and that Sam will always accept his pain no matter what it is.

"Ok, Deal"

Dean let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. This was good, He would be honest with his brother because he promised him that but at least this way he had control on what to say and how to say it. He could convince his brother that while yes he may have some shit to deal with he was still trust worthy, he was still capable of taking care of Sam.


	5. Chapter 5

When Dean stayed quite Sam asked "So do we start now?"

"There is no time like the present"

Sam was starting to doubt the whole thing. Where was the light voice coming from? Then his brother tried to move and hissed in pain. "Why don't we wrap that thing first, and you could tell me about any other injuries you have." He continued when he saw the look on his brother's face. "Before you start, No our time hasn't started yet. When I am done with you, you can set the phone"

Dean had to give him at least that. Sam went to his duffel and came back with the first aid kit that he always kept there. He lifted his brother shirt off him and started to run his fingers on his chest to find out which rib was giving his brother trouble. "Ok there are 2 cracked ribs but I don't think anything is broken"

"Told you"

"You still shouldn't have driven that long Dean"

"Whatever"

Sam ignored his brother for now and picked up an elastic ace bandage from the kit and sat Dean up then started to wrap his chest. When he was done he took out an ice pack and held it on the injured side "Keep pressure on that". Dean complied. Sam then turned to his brother shoulders and was surprised to see a bandage that he hasn't seen before already on his brother left upper arm. He pointed to it and asked "And this is …"

"Three days ago nothing serious just a couple of stitches"

Sam sighed but didn't comment. He removed the bandages and checked the stitches as usual his brother medical abilities were on the professional level so he just cleaned it again and put fresh bandages on it. He examined his brother's entire body for any other injuries but fortunately there was nothing else to add to his list. "Ok I am done, let me just re heat these herbs and after you drink it all we could start"

"Dude, this thing tastes like ass"

Sam smiled fondly at the childish comment. Dean could be adorable sometimes "you don't know that just try it. I think it would help"

"Ok fine, but you owe me big, next town I am making you eat the greasiest burger I could find"

"Whatever you want Dean, Here drink"

Dean took the cup from started to drink. Yep definitely ass "Damn it "he yelled when he finished the whole thing.

"Good boy"

Dean didn't dignify that with a comment he just griped his phone set the timer for their 2 hours and said "Ok Sammy, shoot"

"Ok let's start with an obvious one, Mum"

Sam watched his brother closely he knew how Dean gets whenever they talk about their mother, but his time was limited. Dean was not surprised, he did expect that one but that doesn't mean that it hurts any less "What about her?"

"Do you still miss her? How do you feel about her after all this time?"

"Yes I still miss her, all the time. She was taken from us way too soon and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her in it." His eyes went a little distant "She was an amazing mum. She used to sing Beatles all the time, baked the most amazing apple pie ever and smelled like jasmine." He signed and seemed to get back to here and now. "But all that was a long time ago and I learned to live with it "

"Really! How? How do you deal with this kind of sadness?"

"It is not that big a deal Sam I have stuff to do I can't afford to focus on that"

"Did you have time before when you were still a kid? Did you even cry for her Dean?" Sam asked almost sure that the answer was No. whatever Dean had to do now he started doing it when he was way younger and more vulnerable than he is now.

"What do you want me to say man? Yes it sucks and yes I miss her but I am not going to sit in a corner and cry about it or about the fact that I couldn't save her"

Now there was guilt too, He really shouldn't be surprised by this "How could you Have saved her Dean? You were 4 years old"

"I was there I could have called dad earlier I could have drawn the demon's attention to me I could have stayed instead of running away with you .. I "

"You were following dad's orders .. we would have both burned in there if you didn't run. You saved me."

"I could have done more and .."Dean stopped suddenly and his breath hitched. A pain just exploded along his arm "SON OF A BITCH"

Sam watched with his own eyes as a wound that looked like it was being done by a not very sharp knife started to cut into his brother arm. Damn it, this thing was fucking powerful. He remembered Hailey's words his brother's pain needs to be acknowledged and accepted but first maybe he should try convincing him that he at least shouldn't be feeling guilty about it.

"Dean…DEAN look at me man, look at me… what happened to mum was not your fault you were just a little kid. Hey keep your eyes on me Dean" He was trying desperately to make his brother understand, to try and ease his ever consuming guilt. "What if that happened to Andrea? Would you have blamed Lucas for that?"

Dean looked at his brother then "Lucas ?! you mean The boy from the lake?" he said with confusion.

Sam was glad Dean seemed to focus on him instead of the wound that was still happening it was cutting towards his elbow "yes the boy that you saved from the ghost in the lake, Would you have blamed him for a second if his mum got killed in the tub by the ghost?"

"No of course not he was just a kid. He had a rough time already"

"He was older than you when mum died"

"it's not th .."

Sam didn't stop there he could see that he was starting to reach his brother but he needed another push "Do you blame me?"

"Are you insane? of course not you were just a baby."

"She died in my nursery"

"That doesn't mean anything"

"Exactly, This was done to us by the evil out there. It was nobody's fault but that freaking demon. You were just a kid Dean and you already did more than anyone could have done that night. No one in the history of ever is blaming you for that ok. If they did they would have to answer personally to me. Got that"

Dean looked at Sam. He wanted desperately to believe these words. To have a little rest from the guilt that was always eating at him. The guilt that was so part of him now that he could taste it with every breath he took with every one of his heartbeats. He wanted to believe that maybe there wasn't anything he could have done differently that night. Maybe not everything that was wrong in his life happens because it is his fault. Maybe ….

Sam took advantage of his brother's silence "Listen to me Dean please, there was nothing you could have done. Nothing what so ever, you just miss her man. From what you have told me, She was an amazing Mum. She was taken from us way too early and you have every right to feel sad about it from time to time.

Deans breath started to feel a little calmer. Sam kept going "Feeling sad or hurt about it even after all this time doesn't make you weak Dean on the contrary it means that you are strong enough to feel sad and still go on and try to do the right thing, try to live your life man"

Dean was so desperate, so ready for any kind of comfort that his brothers words started to feel like a cold sip of water on a burning day in the desert sun and he was drinking it greedily

"Dean… Look " Sam was pointing at his arm and not only did the wound stop bleeding, it was starting to turn to this faint pink color of healing.

Dean was surprised. This was actually working "Would you look at that? Do you think that did the trick?"

"I don't know. How do you feel?"

"I am fi…" He stopped himself. He promised his brother complete honesty. The two hours were not up yet. "My ribs hurt like a bitch. The concussion is getting worse rapidly and I think my shoulder is bleeding again"

Sam was stunned, he did not expect this.

Dean went on with a cheerful _lets annoy Sammy_ voice "On the bright side my arm is not bleeding any more but somehow I can still feel the pain of it. Isn't honesty fun Sammy?"

Sam ignored the taunting tone and focused on the situation. Dean was right this was completely different. He was used to Dean always being strong, always being fine, brushing off any hurts that he honestly didn't know what to do when he admits that he is in fact hurting. He should offer some sort of comfort right? Like reassure Dean that everything is going to be ok. But he had no idea how he could do that. Everything he could think of sounded weird or stupid. So he focused on what he knows what to do .. getting more information and asked "What concussion?!"

Dean sighed of course Sam was going to pick that "It's just a mild one I have had it for 3 days now."

"What were you thinking about when you had it?"

"What?!" Where the hell did this come from?

"Well, if talking about mum made that wound then you started to see how ludicrous it was to blame yourself about it and the wound started to heal maybe that is what we need to do to fix the rest of it just talk about each one separately and try to deal with it"

"But this time it didn't heal anything, it started a new one "

"Because it was a new thing you probably haven't thought about mum in that way in a long time, let's just try and We will deal with the situation on the go, right now I am going to make another cup of the herbs and let's see if they can help"

"Ok.. just remember you only have like … " Dean checked his phone 75 minutes left"

"Fine"

Sam walked to the kitchen area and started preparing the drink for his brother. He needed a minute to think. This curse was really powerful . The wound on his brothers arm kept getting deeper in front of his eyes and he had to admit that scared him shitless. What if he wasn't able to make Dean listen next time? He was barely able to reach him this time and his brother really had a lot under the surface. Who knows what other shit is there ? What if Sam can't handle all of it? How would that affect Dean? Sam signed yes this is going to be very hard but he have to do it. He has to keep going . Dean doesn't deserve to be left alone in all that pain.

Dean wasn't doing any better on the other side of the room. His brother's words were still confusing him. He spent so much time feeling guilty. Every time he thought of his mother it filled him with so much sadness that the only thing that made sense why he was feeling this bad that it had to have been his fault. He didn't have anybody to tell him otherwise when he was a kid. But his little brother is here and he is really trying to help him through this. Maybe he should grow up and try to listen.

"Here you go, Drink it slowly its hot" Sam said returning with the steaming cup. "Here take these too you haven't eaten anything in a long time"

"Power bars, seriously"

"It's the only thing we have right Now"

"Thanks"

Sam watched his brother take careful sips. Waited till he finished a whole bar which showed an amazing will of power, time was running. Then asked

"Let's start with the ribs. What were you thinking about when you had that?"

Dean sighed he really didn't want to go there but he knew from the beginning that there was no way around it "I was thinking about the first time this happened to me"

Yes Dean has mentioned that in what felt like ages ago but was actually just a couple of hours when this whole thing started "That was true then you had this before that's how you knew that it will were of soon ?"

"Yes"

"So what happened the first time? When was it?"

Dean really had no idea how he was gonna tell Sam this, he promised complete honesty so he decided he will do what he always did dive in head first and just get it over with "It happened after that case we worked in Wyoming with the pack of werewolves, I had just gotten my acceptance letter for the full ride scholarship to MIT but knew without a doubt that I can never go. That's why I was so distracted that the female werewolf almost got dad and didn't notice that she was actually spewing a spell as she was attacking. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital with a broken collarbone. When we checked out early and returned to the motel, out of nowhere, cuts started to show up on my arms. After a while I found out that they happened whenever my mind drifted to the acceptance letter that I still had, so I burned that letter and stopped thinking about the whole thing. After about a week the whole thing stopped. I don't know why this is taking longer though maybe the witch was just stronger or something. "

Sam was staring at him like he was seeing him for the first time ever. His mind was racing, bouncing all over the place trying to even begin to understand all that his brother was telling him. He couldn't his mind was turning into mush

"What ?!"

"Oh come on don't let me start all over again"

"How ?! .. What ?! .. When ?! ..God damn it Dean. How do you expect me to respond to that"

Dean didn't say anything. He knew better than to interrupt Sam while he was in the middle of a ramp. And oh yeah he was on a ramp alright.

"Maybe I can get the crap you have been telling me my whole life that it is your mission to protect me and you take that to unbelievable limits, Maybe I can get that you would keep an injury from me, keep me from helping you when you need it. But COME ON .. DEAN . MIT you got a full ride to MIT and this is how I find out about it"

Dean stayed quite his brother was not done yet

"Did dad know?!" he was trying to calm down trying to keep his focus on Dean

"No" he said in a small voice

"No.. what?! he didn't know about MIT or he didn't know about the curse all together ?"

"Both"

His anger was giving away to helplessness now. He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know what to think.

"Why Dean? Why didn't you even tell Dad?"

" What difference would that have made Sam? I didn't tell him about MIT because I knew that it would never have happened. What did you expect him to hang it up all of a sudden and stop for 4 years so that I could go to college? or maybe I could've just picked you up and bailed? I was taking care of you anyway I could have done it with the college work as well but that would have left Dad alone out there fighting all the evil on his lonesome taking away from him his only link to humanity left, his kids I couldn't do that to him I just couldn't"

"You didn't even think about just bailing did you ?"

"I would be lying if I said I didn't, but I couldn't do that either. You just turned 14, Dad would leave for weeks at a time and it was even worse when he was there. I had to drag you away from each other every 5 damn minutes, No I couldn't do that either. It was helpless"

"And the curse why didn't you tell him about the curse?"

"He was already disappointed in me. No need to add to it by telling him I was stupid enough to get cursed on top of everything else"

"There was nothing else, when have you ever disappointed Dad ? You were his perfect son you took care of everybody you .."

" That was not something he should be proud of. That was my job and I screwed up most of the time anyway and you know that. I did everything I can and both of you bailed the first chance you got that alone should tell you how screwed up I …Aaaaaaaaah"

Dean scream of pain shifted Sam's attention and everything inside froze for a second. Dean was holding his chest. His face screwed in agony. Sam could actually hear bones cracking." Dean screamed again the pain was exploding inside him. This time Sam was at his brothers side in a second. "Dean what it is man? What is happening?"

Dean couldn't answer, the pain was excoriating. The pressure in his chest kept building up he couldn't take a breath it was as if he was being ripped from the inside out

Fuck .. Fuck .. Fuck Dean was holding his chest it has to be his ribs, his freaking ribs were getting broken inside of him. Sam was panicking how the hell was he supposed to stop this?

"Dean .. DEAN you can snap out of this? Dean just listen to me listen to my voice" Dean eyes were glazed now and he was still holding his chest. He looked like he was fighting something growing inside his chest. Sam gripped his brother's face to get his attention . He had to make him listen right now

" Dean please listen to me. None of that is true. We did not bail because of you, Dad and I we both just wanted more and what we wanted was completely different we just wouldn't have made it work living together. We…"

Dean couldn't hear his brother any more the pain was too much it was everywhere surrounding him, drowning him his brother' voice was distant getting further away every second

"DEAN .. DEAN"

He knew Sam was there and he knew he should listen to that voice calling him but there was a calm darkness that was trying to swallow him and it was getting harder and harder to stay away from it

"Dean .. Please stay with me" Dean wanted to, he really did. But he was getting weaker, the pain was agony and he couldn't fight it any more. He has been fighting his pain for so long and despite his attempts to stay the darkness came and everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

Running … Running … Gotta go faster … Running

Everything was black, there was nothing around, no light no sound he couldn't see anything all he knew was he had to keep running.

He didn't know where he was, he didn't know if he was running away from something or running towards something. The only thing he was certain of that he had to keep going. He felt like he had been running for a long time and didn't know how long he could keep it up. He slowed down for a second to catch his breath and that's when he heard it. In the complete darkness that surrounded him there was a faint voice calling his name. He knew that voice, he would know it any where

Sammy

Just as he was trying to figure out where his brother's voice was coming from another thought entered his already fuzzy brain. He should not be here, Sammy should not be here this is dangerous.

 _Dean .. Dean come on_

He heard Sammy's voice again and it was coming from every direction.

Dean just stood there and didn't know what to do. He was so conflicted between reaching his brother and staying away from him to keep him safe. Sammy was always his responsibility and where ever he was trapped right now was dangerous, he could feel it. Sammy should not be here. Then again how was Dean supposed to get out of here? How could there be any compass to guide him out of this darkness without his brother? While these thoughts were fighting each other inside of him something changed in the darkness he suddenly found himself in a long hallway and there were a number of doors on each side. When the hell did that happen?!

Sam was out of options

When Dean collapsed, Sam first did everything he could to bring him back, but when blood starting coming out of his brother's mouth, he gave up and drove to the hospital where Dean was rushed immediately to the OR. His lungs were punctured and he had a couple of broken ribs. The doctors said that he is stable now and he should wake up soon.

That was yesterday

He still didn't wake up yet. Medically he should be up by now the doctors said that the lung puncture wasn't that bad but every body had its own rhythm and its ok if it took Dean a little longer to get out of it. But Sam knew that was not what was happening. He knew his brother's rhythm and Dean should have woken up by now. This was not ok, no this this was that damn curse. Somehow it trapped his brother inside his own mind and God only knew what Dean was going through right now.

"Dean .. Dean come on you can beat this "

Sam was sitting next to his brother's bed trying to reach him and bring him back like they have done for each other through hundreds of different injuries, like they have done for each other all their lives. Nothing was working and he was starting to get desperate then he remembered.

The spell

Hailey gave him a spell what felt like ages ago that could help him connect to Dean and try to take a little of the load he was carrying and help him through this. Yes he had promised his brother he wouldn't use it but what other option was left for him. He can't leave Dean to fight alone in there, he just can't. It's not like he wants to be in his brother's mind because if he was honest he was really scared of what might happen if he went there, but he can't just leave Dean alone. His brother needs him wither he realize that or not. So he will suck it up and do the damn spell and get back his stubborn big brother. But how? Hospitals aren't exactly the best place to do that kind of thing and he can't check dean out when he didn't even wake up yet. If he was going to do this it has to be here and he needs backup. He leaned over his brother and whispered

"Hang in there Dean I will be right back"

He walked out of the room and called bobby.

Sammy's voice was gone and he could feel his presence gone as well. Ok Dean was starting to at least realize what was going on. Somehow he was inside his own head this was the only explanation for the abrupt change that happened and the fact that he could actually feel the presence and absence of his brother. So probably back in the real world he was somewhere and he was unconscious maybe in a hospital. So that means that he has to find a way to get back out there and it was probably through one of these doors that suddenly appeared, but which one? He was kind of worried to just try anyone he knew how messed up it could get in his own damn head, but he didn't have any other option so he steeled himself, took a deep breath and opened the first door.

" _You have reached John Winchester leave your message after the beep and I will get to you if I can"_

Dean was shocked to hear his father's voice even if was just the mechanic voice recording of his voice message. He looked around to try to figure out what was going on. That's when he saw it. He was staring at a version of himself slumped on the side of his baby bruised, bleeding and clutching a phone in his hand like it was his lifeline and he heard it again.

" _You have reached John Winchester leave your message after the beep and I will get to you if I can_ "

And Dean remembered

"You are pathetic, you are worthless Dean. Why are you fighting so hard? No one wants you here, everyone left Dean EVERYONE"

His father was looking down at him, his face full of disgust for the pathetic creature that he was. No .. NO not his father that was not father's face. This freaking thing was not his father.

"Go to hell you fucking basterd"

A knife cut into his naked chest and Dean cried in pain. The creature's face changed drinking in his prey's agony. "That's is not a very nice way to talk to Daddy" The shifter taunted.

"You are not my Dad" Dean spat back. His chest was bleeding and there was another cut in his thigh. Dean didn't know how long he could stay conscious.

"No .. but I am the only one here. Dear old daddy couldn't wait to get away did he Dean? As soon as little brother left you for good dad went right through the door. Left your sorry ass hunting alone, living alone ,no backup , no nothing"

Dean closed his eyes trying to block out the words that were cutting him deeper than any knife could. It was so hard because it was the truth, But that didn't matter he shoved his pain down he needs to focus on getting out of here and killing this son of a bitch. He was already working on his ropes and he was almost there.

"What the fuck do you want? Just kill me already" Dean shouted at the creature to keep him distracted from what he was doing.

"Kill you! Where's the fun in that? No .. I am not going to kill you, but the pain could stop. It could all go away" The creature stopped for a second to let that sink in and see if his prey gonna take the bait.

Dean didn't answer he already knew what the shifter wanted. This bastard was torturing people to see how soon he could turn them to kill themselves. How soon they would give up and take their own lives. And the fucking bastard made a strong point

"This could all be over Dean. The loneliness, the suffering of living in this crazy world where all you do is fight nightmares"

"Maybe I will do it if will shut you the hell up"

The shifter drove the knife a little too deep in Dean's side this time and Dean screamed in agony and what hurt more is that it was wearing his father's face twisted in hatred. That's it this asshole was gone. Dean was finally free of the ropes and shoved the creature off him. Letting the adrenaline carry him and dropped to the floor and gapped the silver knife, got up and stabbed the shifter in the heart. He stood there breathing hard looking down at the lifeless eyes of his father. _Keep it together .. keep it together .. Don't lose it now .. you need to get out of here._ He started to move out in that warehouse his shoulder and thigh were bleeding badly but the wound in his side was the one he was worried about somehow he was able to get himself back to his car and he was trying to reach his dad but all he got was the voice message

" _You have reached John Winchester leave your message after the beep and I will get to you if I can_ "

But his father didn't come and Dean was bleeding alone on the side of the road clutching the phone, his only link to his Dad.

The phone rang a couple of times before it was picked up.

"Hey, Bobby you got a minute "

"Hey Sam. What's going on?! Is Dean ok ?" Bobby has known these boys all of his life and he could tell from Sam's voice that something was wrong even from only the greeting

"No he is not, he is in the hospital "

"What?! What happened? "

"The curse. We were talking and then his ribs started to break and he punctured one of his lungs but I was able to get him here in time and he is already out of surgery but he is not waking up"

"What do you mean he is not waking up?!"

"I mean the doctors are saying that physically he is ok now but he didn't wake up yet and that's ok every person is different, maybe he just needs to take his time to snap out of it"

"That's a load of crap when does Dean need time to snap out of anything"

"That's exactly what I thought .. it's the damn curse Bobby somehow it is trapping him inside his own mind"

"Well Balls! How the hell are we gonna fix that?"

"I gonna go get him out"

"Sam what the hell are you thinking about know?"

"That's what I am calling you about Bobby, Hailey gave me a spell to be able to connect to Dean if I needed it but I need backup because I have to do it here and I am not sure exactly how it works"

"Sam you realize that this could be really dangerous"

"That's exactly what Dean said"

"You should listen to him"

"Do you think I wanna do this? I know it is dangerous and I have no idea what the hell he is going through right now but I am not gonna leave him to deal alone with all that carp"

"Ok Sam calm down. What do you want me to do?"

"As I said we are still in the hospital and I can't exactly get him out of here so I need backup someone to keep guard cause I have no idea if this worked what will happen"

"Sam I am 5 states away its gonna take me at least a day and half to get there"

"We don't have that long"

"How about Hailey Anderson? Didn't you say she helped you before. Give her a call maybe she is still in town"

He hadn't thought of that "Ok I will. Thanks bobby"

"Call me when you get him back ok ?"

"Yeah Bobby sure"

He hanged up and called Hailey.

"Hello"

"Hi Hailey, its Sam Winchester"

"Oh Hi Sam, How are you doing? Is everything ok? how is Dean?"

"Actually that's why I am calling we are in the hospital right now and I need your help"

"What happened?!"

"I think the curse trapped him in his mind and he won't wake up, I need your help to try and do the connecting spell"

"Sam I told you before that thing is very dangerous"

Why does every one keep saying that ? "Yes I know but I don't have any other option"

She was quiet for a minute and Sam was starting to get nervous that she was going to refuse to come but then she said "Ok I am on my way"

"Thanks Hailey"

It didn't happen often but sometimes luck was on the Winchester's side and this was one of them. Hailey's spell was simple, it required only 4 different kinds of herbs and both his and Dean's blood. He had 3 of the herbs in the Impala trunk and when Hailey arrived 20 minutes later she had the last one.

"Ok so after you mix the herbs and the blood. You need to say these words and then set the whole thing on fire"

"Then what?"

"Well you will lose concise and you will wake up inside his head"

Ok that was simple enough. Sam mixed all the ingredients said the words and "Well here goes nothing" then set them on fire and ..

Something was happing out there. Dean was still staring at the version of himself laying on the floor bleeding out. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that back then he was able to get up and get himself to the hospital and he was fine afterward, but right now with the memory so fresh and literally in front of his eyes all he knew was the pain of his father's neglect. He wondered for the millionth time what he did to deserve that. Then he felt the return of his brother's presence and it was getting stronger. Oh no this can't be good .. Sammy cannot be here .. he can't come here .. he can't see Dean like this Noooo.

Nothing was happing .. Sam was sitting on the chair next to Dean's bed but the spell was not doing anything to him

"Damn it Dean .. Don't do this" Hailey said from her place by the door

"What? What is going on"

"He is refusing to let you in"

"What? how is he doing that? "

"Well it is a connecting spell both sides need to do it together"

"You are telling me this now"

"I didn't think he would be able to pull this off"

"Damn it Dean what the hell are you doing?"

Hailey stopped for a moment studying the stubborn man lying on the bed in front of her. The man who was out cold trapped inside himself and was still trying to protect his own brother from everything he was. She met her fare share of overprotective, stubborn people but this was beyond anything she ever saw.

"Quick Sam gather those things we might still be able to help him"

"How?"

"I will try to go maybe he won't refuse it coming from a stranger"

It was weird but Sam actually thought she might be right. The thought of Dean maybe accepting a stranger's help over his own in order to protect him was twisted enough to actually be ok with Dean. So Sam gathered the rest of the herbs and helped Hailey to redo the spell with her own blood. He was willing to try anything to help his big brother.

Dean felt the change again. His brothers presence was still there but it wasn't as strong anymore. He knew Sam was not just gonna quit on him, Sam would never do that, maybe he should try to get out of here, at least get out of this memory. He looked around searching for anything resembling a door and oddly enough he found it by opening the door to the Impala and getting inside. Suddenly he was back in the hallway again but this time he wasn't alone.

"Hey Dean"

Dean turned around and found himself staring at the girl in front of him

"Hailey !, How the hell are you here?"

"Well apparently you are not paying enough attention to anyone but your brother so I was able to sneak in"

"Are you with Sam? Can he see this?"

Of course his first and only priority was Sam and his safety "He is out there. But no he is not aware of what is going on here"

Good .. That was good "Where is out there exactly where are we?"

"Hospital .. you had to go to surgery"

Oh that seemed about right. "Ok so what are you doing here?"

"Why do you insist on shutting him out like that?"

"I am not shutting him out I am trying to protect him. Sam doesn't need to know about this he doesn't have to put himself through this danger"

"He wants to help but that obviously not gonna change your mind at this point. So I am here to try to get you through this and get you back to him"

"Why?!" Dean was so not used to anybody wanting to help him for nothing

"You are not the only one who wants to help people Dean Winchester"

"So that is what you do you go into people's heads and try to help them fix it"

"It's not any different from saving them from nightmares"

Dean didn't respond to that. He just kept staring at Hailey like he was deciding whether she deserved his trust or not and he was.

"How exactly would you help me here ?" He asked trying to weigh his options

"Well as you probably figured out by now these are doors to your memories and my guess is they are the worst memories. I can help you get through them till this curse wears off and you can get out of here"

"Oh so this thing still has a time shell"

"Yeah .." Not liking where this is going

"Ok so why not just put me under till it wears off"

"Running away from your problems is not going to solve anything Dean, it's just gonna postponed the inevitable"

"Which is what exactly?"

"One day all of this is gonna catch up to you. One day even the great Dean Winchester will not be able to hold on any longer"

"Yeah but today is not that day .. Today I am just fighting a curse put on me by an evil bitch so all I need to do is endure a little while longer and just keep grinding till I get out of here"

"That's is not a very healthy way to keep going on"

"Sweetheart in case you haven't noticed, healthy aint exactly my way"

Hailey looked at him for a long time he was not going to trust her enough to let her help. It was just not in him to accept help from any one. Even now weakened by pain trapped inside himself he would never accept it if there was any other way. Everything in his life has told him over and over that he was nothing if he didn't take care of those around him. So that was what all he ever did, save people, focus on others and lose himself in their protection from this horrible world they lived in, all while hiding behind the shell of a strong hunter that is not afraid of anything. He stays strong so those around him specially his little brother could draw strength from him to carry on.

"Ok Dean, I will help you the only way you will let me. You will not have to go through those memories to get out of here but I can't lift this curse completely. All I could do is make sure that you stay here until this curse wears off and you will have to fight not to remember or dwell on any buried hurt inside so it wouldn't hurt you again while you are still trapped. Whenever you start thinking about something like that just try to hang on to a happy memory and remember that you need to go back to your brother"

Well she couldn't have picked any other words to let Dean know how hard and long he will fight this thing. He would do anything to not leave his brother alone out there.

"Ok I can do this" He knew that that was not a solution. He knew that all he was doing was what he has been doing his whole life, burry the crap down and carry on. After a moment he said "Thank you Hailey"

"Good luck Dean " With a flash of light she was gone.

Sam was pacing the small room when Hailey started to wake up. And he was by her side asking her questions before she was even able to open her eyes.

"Hailey .. Hey there. Are you ok? What happened ? How is Dean?"

"Whoa … Whoa easy.. give me a second"

Sam was barely restraining himself, he was so worried. Hailey had been out for like half an hour and every second was complete misery for Sam. He was so worried about Dean helpless with nothing to do to help him. Hailey came out of it and told him everything that happened between her and Dean.

"Damn it he is so stubborn" Sam said after a beat.

"Yes he is"

"Could he do this?"

"It's not gonna be easy .. but he did it before and you could still help"

"How?!"

"Just be there. He could feel your presence in there"

Like you could move Sam from his brother's side. Sam was not going anywhere even if it was Armageddon out there. "I am not going anywhere"

"Good.. just be there and try to talk to him he can hear you"

So that was what Sam did for the next two days. He stayed by his brother's side talking to him and when he ran out of things to say he brought a book and started reading out loud.

He knew that what Dean was going through was not easy he also knew that he choose to do it alone because like every other time in his life his big brother will always choose to protect him. And maybe he should be angry that his brother didn't trust him enough to let him in but after his words earlier with Dean he knew that this was never about trust, this was never about Sam not being strong enough for his brother to rely on. This was about Dean, about him needing to believe that he can do this, he can keep being strong for his little brother. And Sam thought yes .. absolutely no one was stronger than his brother no one in this whole world. All he has to do is be there for him keep anchoring his brother to his voice and Dean will find a way to get back to him.

That was what got Dean through. Every time his mind wandered to a dark thought he could hear his brother's voice coming from every direction and that would pull him back, make him sane, make him be able to endure just a little while longer. Sometimes he didn't even know what Sam was saying just his voice was enough for Dean.

Then on the third day, Sam was still by his brother's side, drinking a cup of coffee the kind nurse that checked on Dean in the mornings was kind enough to bring it for him, reading from the novel when all of the sudden the heart monitor started to beep a little faster. Sam sat straight in the chair

"Dean"

The heart monitor started to beep loudly and Sam's heart was pounding with it.

"Dean .. Come on man don't scare me like this"

And Dean opened his eyes and looked straight to his brother

"Hey Sammy"

"Oh thank God Dean .. your back"

"Yeah .. Yeah I am here" Dean said his voice very tired

"Welcome back man"

Sam was moved aside to allow the nurses to check on his brother his eyes never leaving Dean's and Dean kept his eyes locked with his brother's as well. Thanking him without words _They never needed words_ and telling him that everything will be ok now. They faced a lot in their lives they faced nightmares on a daily bases but they are strong. They were finally able to beat this. The worst was over and the Winchesters will live to fight another day. Like they always did. Together.

 _Late at night I could hear the crying_

 _I hear it all trying to fall asleep_

 _When all the love around you is dying_

 _How do you stay so strong? How did you hide it all for so long?_

 _How can I take the pain away? How can I save a fallen angel?_

 _You do it all for my own protection_

 _You make me feel like I'll be ok_

 _Still I have so many questions_

 _How do you stay so strong? How did you hide it all for so long?_

 _How can I take the pain away? How can I save a fallen angel?_

 _Author Note:_ Song is Fallen Angel by Three Days grace.


End file.
